UP

I'm amazed by how crazy life can get from one day to the next. One should never take time for granted, because it's incredible how it can work on your favor. I was feeling pretty gutted since I thought this year had started in a quite boring way, but I sort of regret ever thinking that. 

I'm always giving advice to my friends and family about what they should do with their lives, but guess it's about time for me to start taking my own advice for a change. That is to be happy, to embrace my freedom and, most importantly, to never expect anything from anyone, just -cliché as it sounds- carpe diem. 

To live my life following those steps has never really worked for me, but maybe this year is going to be different. I mean I really, really want it to be. And to rush things a bit I ocasionally like to make the first move on things, for instance  raising my hand if a teacher is asking for an opinion, make a toast at a family dinner, holding a guy's hand if he's feeling shy, etc. Not that I own the bravest personality, but it helps if you dare every once in a while. 

I don't feel that with age comes maturity. I'm 23 years old, but in my mind -and in my heart- I feel like I'm eighteen and a half. Just a regular girl screwing up every now and then, smiling all the time, feeling sad in my lonely moments, and always putting the rest of the people before myself. About that last comment... love it. I adore making people happy with my actions. Since I'm not the most creative or emotional person I feel like everything counts when it comes to my personal relations. Guess it has to do with being accepted and just being liked by everyone. I'm not sure if that is good or bad but hey, it definitely feels right. 

Also, I'm never lucky when it comes to men. Yes, they always say I'm pretty and exotic and nice and incredible, so how come my boyfriends always suck? I'm starting to think it's related to having a bit of an obssesion with lads who happen to stink. They all do. Didn't think I had a type, but it sure follows a pattern: always a few years older, musician (guitar freak), liked by everyone, great family background, but awful trusting issues. Or maybe I have issues, like s&m issues. Why one would keep choosing the same psycho bastard type of guy? But I'm pursuing redemption. Changing my style. Opening my mind. Seeing through people. And I think I'm finally on my way to actually be happy. Don't ask yet, it's pretty soon to tell, but let's just state this: I am happy. That is all that matters and whatever happens in the future I shall be proud of myself for being this brave. 

And with that said I encourage you to follow your dreams and shit, it feels soooo good it's mental.