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DEAL WITH IT.

I once had a boy...

I've had lots of boys in my life. I've had boyfriends, I've had friends with benefits and, of course, I've had friends who happen to be boys. I met a guy who thought he was Liam Gallagher. Later, I met another one who thought he was the reincarnation of Jim Morrison. I've dated hippies and football players, but, most of all, I've dated musicians. And it was not on purpose; I just dated the guy and two months later I would find out that he played the guitar. All of them did. Geez.

I've dated lots of boys in my life, but only one of them still remains. I don't know why. I really don't. He was very average: kinda cute, smart, musician (duh), fantastic party kid and endless life partner. He was an amazing boyfriend but, above all, he was an incredible friend. You know the friend who is always laughing at your boring jokes? Or the one who is not afraid of being funny in front of your family? Yep, that was him. He was the kind of guy that would listen to everything you had to say before even speaking; how was your day, how's your mom, did you get a good mark on your test?, do you wanna go for a beer?, feel like napping?. He was the closest thing to perfection, and I remember that scared me so much at first. 

I had had back luck in terms of love before I met him. My first boyfriend was alright, but I was only 18, and he was way too old for me. Like 9 years older. Then I met a lad who was alright, but he was more like a friend than a boyfriend. Then I met another guy who was so jealous that it was unbearable. Oh and he cheated on me, of course. In my own house. With his best friend's girlfriend. Funny story.

And well, the day I met THIS guy, I was totally heartbroken. But he lifted me up so fast and so incredibly good that it felt just awesome. He was a true gentleman, yet not boring. We were very much alike, yet so different. We partied a lot, slept a lot, shared a lot of friends, had long conversations about books and literature and boring stuff from school. He opened the doors of his very own home, and I just felt in love with his family. And maybe that was mistake number one. Because there's only two individuals in a relationship. And I reckon I got really jealous because he was so sociable and had a really coined family spirit that I didn't have, so I only wanted to spend time with him, and never actually realized that he had a life, and that I needed one too. Sometimes I think that he never loved me, or that he was just trying to make it work without telling me. It was just me in the relationship, and it sucks to know that by now.

D'you know that feeling when you are really in love and the other person, who is supposed to be in love with you as well, wakes up one day and tells you 'I want to be alone'? D'you know that feeling? Well I do, and it sucks. Maybe that's why I can't let it go. And also because I see him at least two or three times a week, and I get so scared and sad and angry that I just want to hit him in the face and scream and ask him why did he do this to me and cry and run away. I cannot believe that, after two years, I still feel so angry towards him. He was SO good to me, he doesn't deserve being hated. He was such a good person, and I'm confident he still is, it's just that I don't really know anymore. We're not friends, he kicked me out of his life for good. And it scares me to think that one day he's not going to be there for me anymore. I mean, I'm not going to see him anymore, even if we don't ever talk. Dammit.

I once had a boy. He was the most amazing man I've ever met. But he faded away, and now I just beg God that someday I would meet another one maybe as good as him. Though I doubt there's anyone as good as you out there. You motherfucker. EEEEEEEEEK.