jueves, 22 de noviembre de 2012

A very good friend of mine once said:

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free"

(That was Jim Morrison by the way)


miércoles, 14 de noviembre de 2012

Tuesday 13th

I'm not an overall supersticious person, but yesterday being Tuesday 13th I thought something bad might happen. It did, of course. I woke up quite anxious because of these awful oral tests they put us through at school. An English language oral test is where they, the professors, give you two random topics and you choose one. You then have to speak about it for about five minutes. It's shit, but it's -they think- the only way to figure out if we are actually improving our English skills or if are just speaking Chilean English (?). I hate it because I get so nervous and can't get my ideas straight because I'm in a room sitting in front of three people who might or not like me. Yes, sometimes I get quite annoying during classes or just simply don't show up when I have to. Karma is a bitch uh. Anyway, I did my normal morning routine; get up at 8, have a quick shower, get dressed while watching some random morning show to check the weather, get my make up done (just my lashes, really) plug in the headphones on the iPod, and off we go. No breakfast, bad habit. Of course I'm always late to school because the bus just won't come. I hate public transportation, but the tube is worse so I'm just happy I can take the bus and sit and listen to my favourite tune while looking outside the window for one hour and a half. But yesterday I was particularly nervous because of this shitty oral test so my trip was slow and weird. I wanted to check my notes, but I just can't when I'm listening to music, and of course I rather listening to music than reading while on the bus, so nothing academic ever happens. 

I got to school at 10:30 and went to my Written Discourse class. I love my professor, but hate the class by now. It's November, school is over in a month and I just want to sleep all day long. Class ended at 12 and then we had two and a half hours to kill before the test. Great. We went to these huge sofas in one of the faculty halls and sat there. My mates were all discussing shit related to the test and I just felt like dying. Watched some videos on the iPod, played some games on the phone, and got some weird texts, but never told anyone about that. Soon it was 2 pm. Didn't feel like having lunch, I never do anyway. Got my stuff and went to the classroom where the test would take place. The professors were already there and I just felt like getting it over with. Waited for my turn and then went in and picked two random topics. I then chose 'Same sex marriage', the other one was something related to politics and pfft, boring. So I wandered for about five minutes thinking about what to say, and then just threw up a huge speech on gay rights and the human need to love and blablabla. It's amazing how I can speak a lot of shit and people won't even notice it's shit. My professors looked really amazed and I thought I was doing a good job, so then it was time to joke a bit, though it was a formal instance. I'm always joking, so I had to. I said something about people having the right to marry whoever they want to, because how come there are governments that allow people marrying things instead of people? I've heard of people marrying a pillow, or a rollercoster or, of course, their pet (of course, how normal). They cracked up and so my job there was done. I hope I get a goot mark. Went outside to get my stuff as my mates were asking me about the test. I think I did alright, so just giggled and smiled. Had my headphones on and looked for my iPod... not there. What the hell. Looked inside my bag, on my pockets, on the floor, everywhere. Wasn't there. Went to the hall and looked for it on the sofa where I was sitting on previously. Wasn't there, but I was pretty sure I left it there because I was thinking of the stupid test instead of focusing where I put my shit. Shit shit shit. 

And so that's how I lost my iPod. To me that's like the worst thing ever. When I went to the US last summer and worked there the iPod was the first thing I bought with the bucks from my first paycheck. I bought it before the camera, before CDs, before the flight to New York (not before booze though), so it really hurts that it was wasted money. Besides, I had tons of pictures and videos and private stuff that no one is supposed to see. Ever. I'm sure the person who has it now must be really amused by all my selfportraits and private messages. Bollocks. I save all of my music on my laptop so that's not a problem, but I'm still bummed. I always loose things. Every time. Phones, IDs, jackets, and now iPods. Geez. One of these days I might aswell loose my own head and I won't even notice it. So my trip back home was horrid; thank God I had just bought a new phone, pretty modern, better than an iPod I think. But I had no music in it, just all four Kasabian albums and some random Pink Floyd songs. So that's what I listened to on the way home. I'm a music freak so the iPod was an important investment. I'll try to get another one in a few months, but for now I'll have to settle with the phone. 

A friend invited me to get a beer after the test, he had just arrived from London and had tons of stories to tell (and presents, I hope) but I was just not in the mood, which is weird because I'm always in the mood to drink. Guess we all have our days. 

I now should have to be writing this incredibly boring essay on Robinson Crusoe and the English novel, but I much rather write on this blog which no one reads anyway. Now that's interesting.

sábado, 10 de noviembre de 2012

#7

Ever felt like doing something wrong on purpose? I'm one text away of screwing things up big time and sincerely I couldn't care less. Not today. Cause I've always done things like they say I should, or how it's supposed to be, but I'm done now. I'm 23 and I feel like, though I've travelled abroad and I've seen things and done things that I could never ever confess, I still haven't lived enough. What if I make a mistake, big deal, you all make mistakes and no one says it's right or wrong because they are all busy living their lives. They act as they care about you, but they don't, deep in their hearts they're only going to be nice to you if that action is positive to them aswell. How sad is that. I hate my generation, it's so... empty. I've always felt like I belong to a different time, like I was born 35 years ago. I've got an old soul, I'm not impressed by easy stuff and stupid things certainly don't amuse me. Don't get me wrong, I am a happy person, I'm always laughing and people, when they first meet me, always say that they don't think I take things seriously enough. But I do, of course I do. It's just that sometimes I am so bitter because of life that I just rather laugh about it. It's weird cause I am in love with life, or better said, I am in love with the fact of being alive and embracing my freedom and being able to make plans and fighting to achieve my goals. The thing is I hate the feeling that I'm always at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe that is why I get along with older people. My best friends are all in their thirties, I find it awesome to see life through their eyes. I wish I was old enough to know better. But no, I'm still a kid. And sometimes I love it and take full advantage of it, but not today. Or maybe yes, cause making a mistake on purpose is what young people do, right? Is that was youth is all about?

domingo, 4 de noviembre de 2012

Spring #2

How about going to a park downtown and lay under the biggest tree we can find, and read Crime and Punishment and have a strawberry ice cream and take a nap and walk barefoot on the green, wet grass? How about dresses and shorts and skirts and summer? How about planning a trip? New York? London? 

jueves, 1 de noviembre de 2012

###

Oh, can it be?
The voices calling me,
they get lost and out of time.
I should have seen it glow,
but everybody knows
that a broken heart is blind...